Twenty Minuters

Toby "S.Kip" Groom (Captain, Middle Order RHB, RM)

Debut: 11 May 2003 vs The Strollers

A combative and brooding presence in the field, the skip's querelous demeanour hides a nuanced tactical brain. Equally at home putting the finishing touches to an artful offside field as he is pondering the infinite complexities of the Battle of Kursk; Vaughan-style contributions with the ball when backs are to the wall (ie often)

James "Gentleman Jim" Greayer (Fixtures Secretary, Middle Order RHB)

Debut: 11 May 2003 vs The Strollers

Grown up 'voice of reason' and invaluable committee man off the park; unflashy classical batsman in front of the stumps. Moves with aloof 'gentleman's trot' between the wickets, recalling halcyon and better cricketing era of Doctor Grace, Jack Hobbs, village parsons and bodyline theory

Henry "Blakey" Lloyd-Baker(RHB, OS)

Debut: 11 May 2003 vs The Strollers

Always gutsy if not glamorous, this essential component of Britain's Worst Opening Partnership™ loves nothing better than to drop anchor and watch the required run rate soar. An unlikely menace in the field, whether prowling the gully or grazing the outfield.

Barnaby "Barnes" Williams (Scorer)

One of the few twenty minuters never to fail abjectly with either bat or ball. Principally because he's the scorer. Stirling — and detailed — cricketing nous coupled to posh spice-style shades combine to form peerless and trendy statistical package

Leon "Tugger" Willis (Middle Order RHB, Leg Spin/Medium Pace, Ringer)

Debut: 5th June 2004 vs Catford

Australian, so proper cricketer; performs sweep shots and leg glances that could easily be described as 'contemptuous' by modish sports journalists; smokes a lot, and plays for another team in the dizzying far off heights of league cricket

Matthew "Mattäu" Maxwell Scott (Opening RHB)

Debut: 11 May 2003 vs The Strollers

Trescothick mantle in Britain's Worst Opening Partnership™ principally secured by 'four-and-out' approach and unwillingness to move feet. Fearless. Probably owns more cricket equipment than his idol Graham Thorpe

Piers "Lucky Pierre" Cannon (All rounder, LHB, Fast)

Debut: 11 May 2003 vs The Strollers

Menacing 'proper' all-rounder with neat line in fizzing away swingers and biffed sixes. Off-field calm quickly replaced by steely competitive edge on the square and willingness to goad opposition into error. "I'm not pissed, but I am f*cking stoned..."

Ben "Bun" Godsal (Wicket Keeper, RHB)

Debut: 23 May 2004 vs Locksbottom

Seasoned glovesman and sh*t-or-bust batsman who either fails to trouble the scorers or has them pulling out the man of the match award early doors. Corinthian sporting aptitude lately blunted by journalist's diet of Marlboro Lights and cheap midlands curries

James "The Pope" Cary Elwes (RHB, Fast Medium)

Debut: 11 May 2003 vs The Strollers

Other half of divinely nomenclatured duo and another 'proper' cricketer. Bowls energetically, bats enthusiastically, sometimes catches the ball, probably mows the wicket as well. Once received an award from John Emburey

William "Willis" Scott (LHB, Fast)

Debut: 23 May 2004 vs Locksbottom

Slingy 'Olde-English' tearaway action and lack of hair adds up to confrontational mien. Piston-armed fieldsman and commendably traditional panicky rabbit at the foot of the order

Adam "Yips Inferno" Curtis (RHB, Fast Medium)

Debut: 11 May 2003 vs The Strollers

Fine wines, red bull-based cocktails, model girlfriend and a tempestuos and unpredictable line in bumping seamers make the tenacious quick a cricketing and social package to be reckoned with. Likes to lull batsmen into a false sense of security with a trio or two of no balls before unleashing a cheeky and unplayable in-ducker

Chris "Aussie" Cohen (RHB, Fast Medium)

Debut: 11 May 2003 vs The Strollers

Another Australian, and therefore distinctly more than useful. Jason Gillespie to Leon's Damien Martyn, with something of the menace of Craig McDermott. Deported recently, probably for being too good at fielding

Ed "Yorkie" Clarke (RHB, Wicket Keeper, Medium)

Debut: 11 May 2003 vs The Strollers

Gritty glovesman and granite-tough bat in the northern tradition of Bill Athey, Chris Tavare and rickets. Technique honed and burnished amongst the collierys and flat caps of Yorkshire. Only 20 minuter who knows anything whatsoever about rugby league

Adam "Lord of the Samosa" Guy (Honorary member, chef)

Debut: 11 May 2003 vs The Strollers

Lately departed for pastures new to spread the gospel of cricket and invent new types of genes or explosives (or something), the Lord of the Somosa leaves a legacy of affable pipe smoking, quiet but trenchant observation and cracking teas. All power to his arm

Robbie "Chesty" Scott (RHB, Medium)

Debut: 11 May 2003 vs The Strollers

Big-hitting Scottish thumper whose shaky understanding of the laws and technical deficiencies are easily countered by much-valued "eye for ball". Potential partnership breaking dibbly dobblies also an asset.

Chris "Oddball" Stevens

Debut: 7th June 2003 vs Catford

Batting all-rounder and cool customer, utterly unfazed by even the most desperate match situation. His casual aggression at the crease is reminiscent of a Hollioake, as is his unattractive yet tricky medium-pace bowling. Can also act as reserve 'keeper.

Jonny "Test Class" Blenkin (RHB, Fast Medium)

Debut: 11 May 2003 vs The Strollers

Lanky family man and dangerous tearaway with much-sought after 'variation' - slower balls, in-duckers and out-nippers bamboozle batsmen and frequently the Twenties 'keeper and slip cordon. Useful down-the-order tonker and only Twenty to have taken the wicket of a Test cricketer.

Jules "Ambidextrous" Cochrane (Slow Left Arm, ?HB)

Debut: 5th June 2005 vs Burgess Park

Latest - and most fearless - addition to Twenties twirling battery. Once asked to bowl at Chris Cairns after latter had hit several sixes into adjacent postcode. Has yet to decide whether to bat right or left handed, much to amusement of usually-on-the-verge-of-victory oppo.

James "The Mede" Nethercot (RHB)

Debut: 29 August 2004 vs Beck's XI

Bafflingly nicknamed fielding specialist, photographer and specialist number 11. Often forced by Skip to field at long leg at both ends. Sports terrifying kamikaze-style headgear for usually brief but entertaining batting 'missions'.

Alex "Archie" Stevens (RHB, Off Break)

Debut: 29 August 2004 vs Beck's XI

Other half of Hollioake-style fraternal all-round duo; guileful spin professor and spring-heeled fieldsman. Penchant for correct technical batsmanship stands in stark contrast to usual rabble of Twenties middle-order clubbers.

Junior "Junior" Walker (RHB RM)

Debut: 18 June 2005 vs Corridor Cricketers

Motown-monickered top-order run machine and vocal presence in the slip cordon. Generally turns out against the twenties, most notably for brilliantly beery oppo the 'doors, but has been known to don the blue biplane cap, at least metaphorically. Once batted without pads.

"King" Ralph Cator (RHB RMF)

Debut: 4 June 2006 vs Corridor Cricketers

Bruising lower-order basher and tricky medium-fast swervesmith with an eye for the ladies. One appearance so far has netted 46 brutally-struck runs, a three-fer, and man-of-the match plaudits. Then fast disappearance, probably to a louche west-London cocktail party of some sort.

Al "The Cat" Tyers (RHB OB)

Debut: 29th August 2004 vs Becks

Lanky leggie recently promoted to opening bat after various attempts to replicate Britain's Worst Opening Partnership™ fell on fallow ground. Solid front-foot technique allied to pedestrian pace between the wickets equals ideal twenties top-order sticksman. Floating tweakers tend to result in either ball or batsman making quick exit over boundary rope.

Sam "Golden" Holden (RHB RM)

Debut: 4th June 2006 vs Corridors

Biog Forthcoming...

"Brother" Tom Godsal (RHB LF)

Debut: 18th June vs Corridor Cricketers

Athletic chap who is almost certainly only twenty to have run a marathon. Tales of trials at Lancashire swiftly substantiated by zippy left-arm in-duckers, then just as quickly dispelled by intermittent attacks of the yips. Hits the ball very hard, and for some reason is very popular with "the girls". Whoever they are.

"Dirty" Harry Nicholas (RHB LS)

Debut: 3rd September vs Pilgrims

Only proper twenties spinner, capable of something called 'variation', and occasional 'drift', whatever that may be. Ball sometimes actually deviates from ramrod-straight path favoured by other twenties twirlers. Yet to really catch fire in the middle order, but much-threatened big score can't be far away.

Rob "Bully" Jenkins (RHB RM)

Debut: 8th July vs Althorp XI

Biog Forthcoming...

Hugh "The Woah" Martineau (RHB RMF)

Debut: 26th August vs Corridor

Biog Forthcoming...